


"He's gone" BokuAka songfic (Truce)

by PidgeOfTheInn



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, Depression, Fukurodani - Freeform, Haikyuu - Freeform, Kuroo is only there for one scene, Lol I'm bad at tags, M/M, Suicide, This is your trigger warning if you didn't read the summary but read the tags, dont hate me lol, sh, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27829204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PidgeOfTheInn/pseuds/PidgeOfTheInn
Summary: Trigger warnings: D3press1on, su1cid3, SH
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. Verse 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [That_Slytherin_weeb](https://archiveofourown.org/users/That_Slytherin_weeb/gifts).



_**Now the night is coming to an end  
** Oooooohhhh  
The sun will rise and we will try again  
Oooooohhhh _

_____________________________________________

The rising sunlight gleamed on the streaming tears falling endlessly down his cheeks, in the background you could hear the other trying to pry him out of the bathroom. Metal shone on the floor while red stained his arms and thighs. He stared at his reflection in the mirror while listening to the others demands.

"Akaashi come out please! Or at least let me in, I'm willing to help! I may not be all that bright but I know how to listen!"

Akaashi did not listen. He stayed where he was, stood in front of the mirror, his face lying expressionless. His eyes widened when he heard a twist of the lock. Bokuto had gotten a coin to twist it open.

"Shit.." Akaashi rushed to the door and twisted the lock closed again, picking up stray metal and throwing it in the bin before soaking a towel in the sink and wiping down his arms and thighs, silently cursing as they stung and skin got irritated. He quickly rolled down his sleeves and pulled his shorts down to their normal length, concealing any damage, he quickly washed his face of tears before shooting up to the sounds of the lock clicking once more and the door opening. 

Akaashi turned around and met the others eyes, they were full of concern but not at all angry. Akaashi just stared as he didn't know what to do. Bokuto started walking forward, making sure not to overwhelm the other. He took Akaashi's hand and guided him back to the bedroom where he sat him down on the bed and he took the space next to him.

"Akaashi.." He looked at the other whom stared at his hands, not wanting to meet Bokuto's gaze again. He saw Akaashi's hands start to shake and he took them in his own once again. Akaashi soon looked up, his eyes were pooled with tears and his bottom lip trembled. Bokuto pulled him into a hug, rubbing circles into his back, not minding when he felt tears soak his shirt.

"Come on you, let's try again for another day shall we?"


	2. Chorus 1

****_Stay alive, stay alive for me_  
You will die, but now your life is free  
Take pride in what is sure to die 

________________________________________

Bokuto lay on the bed with Akaashi next to him, with his head on Bokuto's shoulder. Bokuto had his arm wrapped around Akaashi and his hand stroking Akaashi's hair out of his face. Akaashi laid there with his eyes half closed and blood-shot, hoodie sleeves to long and covering his hands and hood partially up, covering the back of his head. Bokuto hummed, trying to fill the silence and lull the other to sleep. It wasn't long before Akaashi gave in to the temptation of sleep and fell into his world of dreams. Bokuto pressed a kiss to his forehead before wrapping his other arm behind him and holding him close, making sure that even know he's asleep, he knows Bokuto cares.

\--In the afternoon, this was early morning--

Akaashi had woken up at this point, he was buried under the duvet, not wanting to be seen. Bokuto was on the phone to Kuroo, trying to get him to bring food over because Bokuto couldn't cook to save his life, perking up when he finally said yes. He quickly said thank you 3 times before hanging up on his friend. He ran back to Akaashi, frowning when all he was met with was the duvet.

"Aghaashiiiiiii, come out please" he frowned again when he heard a quiet "No" from under the duvet, "I will yank the duvet off of you in a minute, just come out please, Kuroo is gonna be here with food."

"Onigiri..?" Bokuto laughed quietly before confirming that there will be onigiri. Akaashi poked his head from under the blanket and looked blankly at Bokuto. Bokuto gave a small wave and smiled when he got one back. He lifted the rest of the duvet off of the younger male before sitting next to him and giving him a hug. Akaashi hugged back and buried his face into the elder's neck.

"I'm so proud of you.." Bokuto mumbled and felt Akaashi hum in reply. He lifted his head when he heard the doorbell, alerting Bokuto who hadn't heard it.

"Kuroo was quick wasn't he?" He got up from his spot on the bed, leaving Akaashi in the bedroom. Loud laughing could be heard from the front door and he heard a "Hi Akaashi!" from Kuroo. He managed to muster a hello back and heard Bokuto confirm to Kuroo that he replied. The door closed and Bokuto came back with a bag. He set it down on the bed and sat back down where he was before. He started taking the foot out the bag, store wrapped, no wonder Kuroo was so quick, he went to the store instead of cooking. He was probably on a run. He handed Akaashi the onigiri and he immediately unwrapped the food and started eating in small bites, holding his hands under his chin as to not make a mess.

"So.. wanna talk about last night..?" Bokuto asked Akaashi, who's chewing slowed down as he thought about it. He shrugged to show that he didn't care.

"What happened in the bathroom, don't think I didn't see the stains on the floor"

"Shit.." Akaashi quietly cursed at himself as he though of an excuse, none coming to mind. Bokuto may not be the brightest, but he was observant enough. Bokuto was patient, he was not going to rush or pressure Akaashi into saying anything, he just wasn't that type of person. Bokuto carefully took Akaashi's arm and silently asked if he could roll up his sleeve, Akaashi nodded and Bokuto lifted the material, eyes growing upset as he saw the damage to the others skin.

"Did you do it anywhere else..?" Akaashi nodded and pointed to his thighs. Bokuto pulled his sleeve back down and once again pulled him into a hug, whispering to him.

"Try and stay alive for me.. it's not time to free yourself yet, there's a lot more to happen in your life first, stay with us a bit longer.. please.."


	3. Verse 2

**_I will fear the night again_  
Oooooohhhh  
I hope I'm not my only friend  
Oooooohhhh**

__________________________________

Night had once again returned and Bokuto had already fallen asleep, Akaashi stayed there awake with his thoughts, all of them overwhelming his mind. He didn't want to wake Bokuto up to comfort him, he should be able to do that himself.

But he was done with this.

He was done with these thoughts and emotions.

But he didn't even know why he felt like it, insecurity and unneeded thoughts ran through his head.

He was tired.

He looked out the window to see the moon shining above the scenery outside his window. What was it like up there? Was there somewhere more joyful and uplifting from here? A place where no marks were engraved into his skin and blood wasn't streaming all down his legs and arm? Akaashi thought about that for awhile, 'freeing himself' he liked to call it, he never liked to say suicide or to kill himself, Akaashi liked to look at things from a different angle, that's why he thinks of it more as a way of freeing himself from all the pain he's currently feeling.

He looked at Bokuto for a few minutes, he couldn't hurt him.. he knew Bokuto genuinely cared and didn't try to help for the sake of feeling good about himself, Bokuto just wasn't like that. Akaashi couldn't hurt someone so pure.. He thought about it for a minute, was he able to take on another day? Today was hard enough. Akaashi laid his head in his hands and ran him fingers into hair, gripping it in frustration. He picked himself up, and went to his desk, grabbed his notebook and took a piece of paper from it, grabbed a pen, and began to write.

It was gone morning by the time he finished writing it, he needed to word it perfectly. Bokuto woke up while he finished the final sentence, he put the paper back into the notebook and closed it quickly, greeting the other as he woke up. Bokuto walked over and gave him a kiss on the side of the head, giving him a smile. Akaashi returned the smile, barely, but he did. He said he wasn't hungry when Bokuto asked if he wanted anything to eat, who let him off this once. Akaashi came up behind Bokuto and hugged him, Bokuto was fairly surprised by this sudden action, but stayed silent as Akaashi began to speak.

"I'm grateful for you.. you know that right? I'm grateful for how you helped me when I was in so much pain and you managed to pull me out the bathroom, you managed to calm me down and you stayed by my side when I was to vulnerable by myself.. so.. thank you, Bokuto-San, from everything.."

Bokuto was silent for a few seconds as he processed everything that was just said, before turning himself around and hugging Akaashi back.

"I'm just grateful for your existence Akaashi.. you know I'd always help you right? I'd follow you to the end of the world just to see a genuine smile on your face again.. I don't want to lose you.."

Akaashi teared up at those last few words, he kept the hug together for awhile, wanting to take up as much of Bokuto's warmth as he could. Maybe a few more hours wouldn't be so bad.. the hug broke after a good 10 or so minutes when Akaashi decided he would eat something. Bokuto nodded before searching the cupboards, presenting Akaashi with his beloved onigiri. Akaashi took it and unwrapped it, eating it in small bites. He looked at the clock, 10 o'clock. 2 more hours was what he decided on. He spent those times spending every last second with Bokuto, whether it be cuddling or just talking about anything really, then the clock struck 12. Akaashi's face fell as he realised what this meant, it was time. He excused himself before heading to his room, grabbing the previous piece of paper, and heading to the bathroom.

"I'm sorry Bokuto-San.."


	4. Chorus 2

****_Stay alive, stay alive for me  
You will die, but now your life is free  
Take pride in what is sure to die_

________________________________________

Akaashi had been gone awhile and Bokuto was growing concerned. He had this gut feeling that something terrible had just happened, it confused him, nothing had happened right? He had to double check to be sure, he walked over to the bathroom, and knocked on the door before calling Akaashi's name. He was met with no reply. He called again but louder. Again, silence. He searched through his pockets for a coin to twist open the lock. He found a 10p (I'm British) and stuck it in the lock and twisted it open. He called Akaashi's name once more, but pushed open the door when he was met with silence.

"Akaashi..?"

There he was, laid on the floor, holding a piece of paper, no further damage had been done to his body. Next to him lay a bottle of pills, weren't you only meant to take 2 of those every 4 hours? Akaashi took the whole bottle- oh shit..

"No.. nononononono Akaashi wake up!" Bokuto ran over to Akaashi's body and shook it, trying to get some sign of life from the younger.

"Akaashi this isn't funny! Wake up please!" Bokuto choked back a sob, looking for a pulse. He found one, it definitely wasn't going to last. Bokuto panicked as he wondered what he could do to try and revive Akaashi. His eyes widened as he retracted his hand from Akaashi's neck where he was measuring the pulse. The pulse was gone. Bokuto's eyes welled up with tears as he looked back at Akaashi's lifeless figure, he was pale, very pale, the life had been drained out of him.

"No.. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY ALIVE! FOR ME!"


	5. The Letter

Bokuto watched as the paramedics took away Akaashi's body and drove away, he held the letter in his hands, clinging onto it for dear life. What did it say anyway? Bokuto opened the letter and read:

_Dear Bokuto-San,_

_By the time you are reading this, I'm probably gone.. don't worry, it has nothing to do with you. It all just got to much really, I couldn't handle it anymore. Please remember that I loved you, so so so much, words don't describe it really, I'm incredibly thankful for everything you did in order to help me, you helped in my most vulnerable state when you had bigger opportunities, I wonder why you chose that. I guess some things will never be told. But I want to thank you for all of this, thank you for sticking with me Bokuto-San, I know I was harsh at times, when I would act all snarky or maybe put to high of expectations on you, but you still stuck with me and I'm really grateful for that, how you'd encourage me through matches when I got disappointed in myself and said my sets were you favourite.. those words were some of my favourite things you've told me actually.._

_Onto why I chose this way. It wasn't easy.. I didn't want to hurt you but I just couldn't live with any of this anymore, I guess I freed myself, I know you hated me saying that so I decided to take the chance, it sounds less gruesome than saying "killing myself" or "suicide", plus, sometimes even I see the lighter side of things. Again, the reason why I did this had nothing to do with you, everything just ran through my head constantly and it was overwhelming, mentally draining even, insecurity, intrusive thoughts, rather dark thoughts as well and basically just dragging myself down for no reason was always going through my head. Sometimes it felt like a little voice in my head said those things about me, well, more often than sometimes but hey, what's there to do now? The voice will be gone and I will be free. My body unmarked and hopefully feeling happier as well._

_I want to see you here one day, but first, do these for me. Stay alive for me, ok? Stay alive and live to 130 years old just like you told me you would, don't let the loss of me bring you down, have fun with your other friends, Kuroo-San, Konoha-San, Hinata-Kun etc. Please enjoy life to the fullest, take on those big opportunities you've been given, I know how much you wanted to go far and be a pro volley-ball player, but don't forget me, always remember that I am watching every game you participate in, I am still there, not physically, but still there._

_I hope you do reach your goals Bokuto-San, and I know how much you liked my smile, a genuine one, so I printed off a few of the photo's you snuck of me and a few of the both of us, see it as a memory for a friend moving away, in this case, lover._

_Remember, I'm always here with you, we are the protagonists of the world._

_We will meet again in another life, I will find you and you will find me._

_Love,_

_Akaashi Keiji_

The letter had tear marks dotted around it, slightly smudging the ink of the pen Akaashi used, tears streamed down Bokuto's face as he read the letter multiple times before sitting back down on the couch.

"Why didn't you tell me you were hurting this much.. not even the letter expressed it all.." Bokuto lay down on the couch and hugged a pillow, it was still covered in Akaashi's scent. This was comforting enough.. where were the photo's Akaashi was on about anyway? Bokuto wiped his face of any tears, only to have them fall again. He got up and started searching the shelves for a box or an envelope.

Behold, the item in question.

It was in an envelope, addressed with Bokuto's name on the front. He opened it up with shaky hands and took out the contents. All photo's Bokuto managed to take of him and just photo's Akaashi willingly took park it. More tears ran down Bokuto's face as he looked through every photo. This one was when they went to see the owls at the zoo.. and this one was on Akaashi's birthday last year! Bokuto laughed slightly as he came across one of Akaashi laughing at him when he fell in the river, Kuroo took that one. Something fell out of the bundle and onto the floor, Bokuto crouched down to pick it up. A ring. He inspected it, reading the engravings on the side.

"You are my sunshine"

Bokuto slipped the ring onto his ring finger, perfect fit!

"Wow Akaashi, of course you knew my ring size.." Bokuto put all the photo's back into the envelope and walked into Akaashi's room, it had been imprinted with the scent of him, Bokuto wanted it to stay that way.

"I miss you already.."


	6. Epilogue

**This is now post time skip time!**

"Bokuto Koutarou receives the ball to his setter, Atsumu Miya, who sets it to Sakusa Kiyoomi.. PERFECT SPIKE!"

Bokuto gave Atsumu a high five, getting rejected by Sakusa, Hinata gave one to him instead. The current score was currently 16:12, their opponent, Schweiden Adlers, 4 points behind. This was the third set, both teams had won one set each, this was the tie breaker.

Bokuto was now up to serve, he waved to the crowd cheering him on as he ran to the back of the court to hit the ball. He held it ahead of himself before throwing it in the air, taking a few steps, jumping, and hitting it all the way onto the other side of the court, where he got a point.

"Look out, the whole world is on my side!" He yelled to himself before receiving another high five from Hinata.

________________________________________________________________________________

He smiled as he watched the game, keeping to his promise, just like he said all those years ago.

"I'm always on your side" Akaashi smiled, proud of what Bokuto had become.

**WOOOH, I FINISHED IT! This only took my friend threatening me into finishing it O_O anyways, I lowkey got sad by my own writing lol, but i hope you enjoyed if you made it this far! Also, sorry if there are any mistakes, it is currently midnight and I have been trying to finish this lol.**

**Author's Note:**

> I'm like, very sorry for this lol


End file.
